“Hindi lungkot o takot ang mahirap sa pag-iisa kundi ang pagtanggap na sa bilyun-bilyung tao sa mundo, wala man lang nakipaglaban upang makasama ka.”  by Bob Ong

Tumpak!

Subukan mo kayang isipin kung merong isang tao, kahit isa lang, ang handang makipaglaban makasama ka lang. Meron ba?  Sino kaya siya? Di ka sure? O wala talaga? Saklap no! Bakit kaya? Dahil sa kanila nga kaya? O dahil sa ‘yo?

Ang sabi nga ni Buds (a unique specie of a thing called friend), “I rather have one true friend than be with millions of acquaintance “.   Hmmm may point siya dun.  Kasi naman kahit gaano kadami ang mga taong nakapaligid sa’yo, for sure at the end of each and every day, you will still want to be with someone you trust and love, di ba? Have you ever felt that feeling of being alone while in the midst of a crowd?  Sometimes we tend to make ourselves surrounded by a lot of people to be able to feel that sense of belongingness.  But most often than not, what we really need is the silence of a one true friend.

Ikaw? Have you found one? Kahit isa lang?

Oo, ang sabi ng puso mo mahal mo siya

Kaya’t ipaglalaban kahit kanino pa

Maging sa pamilya, kaibigan at kahit sa sarili mo

Basta’t alam mong andyan lang din siya nagmamamahal sa’yo

Sabi mo nga masarap ang magmahal at mahalin

Kaya ang utos ng mga puso’y inyong susundin

Ang sabi mo pa nagkaroon ng halaga ang iyong buhay

Mundo mo’y naging Masaya at makulay

Ngunit sapat na bang lahat ng ito

Upang sundin ang tanging nais nyo

Gayong sa una pa lamang batid nyo na

Ang hangad ng mga puso’y di tama

Pag-ibig nga bang maituturing

Kung ang hangad na magkapiling

Dulot ay pasakit at pagdurusang walang hanggan

Sa’yo at sa kanila na nagmamahal sa inyo kailanman

Pag-ibig nga ba?

Kailan siya tama? At kailan siya mali?

Paano kung ang sabi ng puso mo ay tama at ang sabi ng isip mo ay mali? Sino ang susundin mo?

Sapat na bang maging masaya ka? Paano kung may masasaktan?

Hanggang saan mo kayang magtiis at mabigay? Ngunit kaya mo bang sarili lang ang isipin?

Ang hirap no? Minsan kailangan mo talagang pumili. Masasaktan ka at makakasakit ka panigurado. Pero ganun talaga nagmamahal ka e. Pwedeng di masuklian ng minahal mo. Pwedeng sa una pa lang alam mong panandalian lang. Pwede ring di mo pala talaga siya dapat minahal.  Kung pwede nga lang pigilan bakit hindi. Pero mahirap eh d b? Kailangan nga bang maging mahirap ang pag-ibig? Ano ang kaya mong ibigay at isakripisyo? Hanggang saan ang kaya mong ipagtiis? Pero anuman ang mangyari, sana d ka mapagod magmahal. Kahit paulit-ulit kang masaktan. Huwag mong isasara ang puso mo.

Kasi ang pag-ibig, eto ang buhay eh.

Obsessive-compulsive syndrome (OCS) - clinically diagnosed as an anxiety disorder. People who suffer from this have distressing and obsessive thoughts, which usually cause them to perform repetitive behaviors.

My first encounter with OCS is during our mini-chikahan-in-the-office-to-fight-sleepiness moment, an officemate just mentioned that our other officemate has OCS.  She’s into checking the lock of the door and checking for any plugged appliances. We didn’t discuss any details about it so I shrug the OCS thing off. But during pagpapanggap na review for IELTS exam, I’ve encountered once again about OCS in one of the reading test and got a glimpse of what OCS is. Third encounter is while I’m watching SCRUB (current series na pinagkakapuyatan ko), one of the doctor there is suffering from OCS, hmmm now I can really see an example of a person with OCS. An encounter with OCS in 3 straight days. Weird! Having been exposed to its definition, nature and symptoms made my brain cells to wonder if I’m one of those who is experiencing OCS *freak-out mode whehehe.

Lately, I’ve been into the “park the car…walk away…go back…check if I put the gear in P(which means park) and if I pull the hand break up” mode…yep, so far e alang palya, I feel the urge to double check it everytime I park. Hassle talaga. I’m thinking if it’s OCS or is it just that my brain cells are into vacation mode lately whehehe, in short being forgetful (signs of aging daw! Fine!).  Super forgetful naman ata yun if just after I close the car door and take a few steps , I’ll make a 180 degrees turn just to check the gear. Duh! I’m also thinking maybe it’s paranoia. Why paranoia? Well, I’ve experienced a few car-driving-related-mishap, nothing serious naman, that maybe, just maybe contributed to my so called parking-the-car-right-syndrome (whehehe):

·         Got stuck in an intersection during the busiest hour of the day- reason: DRIVING WHILE THE FUEL TANK IS EMPTY (feeling ko e may reserved fuel ang car whehehe)

·          I’ve locked the door while the car key is hanging in the ignition not once but TWICE. Tragic isn’t? The good thing is Jane has a duplicate key.

·         Got stopped by the police TWICE. Driving an unregistered car and driving with headlights off (actually pundido cya at kasalubong ko pa ang mamang pulis).

·         Right after parking the car (take note we’re still inside the car) nagmega usok ang makina ng kotse, sa kapal ng usok akala naming e magkakaron na ng pagsabog or di kaya ay may lalabas ng genie *grin.  Reason: nasunog lang naman ang starter.

·         Sometimes I’ll change the gear from drive to park just before the car made a full stop so ang result parang nagugulat ang kotse at ang mga pasahero e pang susubsob *grin

·         May mga little mishap pa but I can’t remember na hehehe (memory gap daw!)

Ano nga kaya ito! Hmmm whatever it is, it just makes me more human *wink and obviously it’s makes my life here in this island a little bit more exciting.*wink *wink.

3 know hows

• I can cook now (hooray),  though I’m so mabagal as in super (as per buds) but still I can cook and can satisfy the hungry stomachs and the taste buds of my friendly friends

• I’m a licensed driver, ooops a licensed-kaskasera-driver–sometimes pag bad mood lang naman . I’ve been stopped by the police twice because of unregistered car (hehehe the company forgot to renew the license) and the headlight of the car that I’m driving is not working.

• I know how to swim na (a little). With the help of the magic fins I can enjoy snorkeling without vest and can have pictures underwater whehehe though I’m still in the process of learning how to dive to have better underwater pics. Need more time to go swimming kahit super neggie na ko keri pa din…for the love of water nga naman hmmm wawang skin it’s good may whitening soap and lotion

3 lessons learned

• Mahirap na masarap ang buhay-independent, lalo na if you’re living abroad, away from the comfort of home, away from your family and friends. You’ll learn to be responsible, from the simplest task of attending to your daily needs (like pagluluto at paglalaba) to making big decisions/choices in life. Along the path of I’m-in-charge-of-my-life-now, you’ll bump into various experiences from making bad choices to being ecstatic of the new found freedom, there’ll be angst, disappointments, love, pain, memories, name it you’ll got it.  Whatever it is, it will be a tool in molding you to become a mature and better person *big grin.

• Matters of the heart naman*wink *wink. Lovers can’t be friends (after break-up that is), gasgas na lesson hehehe. Anyways, simple rule, you can’t be friendly friends to someone you are emotionally attached with, after deciding to let them go. Why? You’ll end up getting hurt the more and you tend to hope that there might be a possibility of second chance. Second lesson on love, most of the time, it’s hard to know if you really love a person you’ve learned to cherished during your living-abroad-and-alone-saga. Why? Because the person that you’ve become so close to tend to receive and give the affection, attention and TLC that you’re supposed to give and receive from your loved one/s back home. Mahirap if tamang homesick lang yan, you’ll end-up hurting each other, especially if you know deep inside you na somebody’s waiting for you and you know you’ll come back no matter what.

• Never be afraid to trust, to love unconditionally and to do what is right and good no matter what, for in doing so you might find a precious thing called one true best friend. All of us need someone we can call our bestfriend, someone who’ll be there during our drama mode or kilig mode or kahit pa warfreak mode at kung minsan e silent mode pa.   Someone who’ll accept you (kahit alien daw!), someone who’ll understand you (may lucid interval daw!) or someone who’ll stand by you *wink. In short, ang bestfwend mo ang tanging tao na pwedeng bumatok sa ‘yo pag medu jejengers jengers ka and vice versa at ang magbibigay sau ng sandamakmak na tissue if ever feel mong magemote. Cya ang taong you want to be with when you want to be alone-ironic isn’t, but that’s what best buds is.

Hay! Buhay isla nga naman-so much had happened and is happening, more kwento next time.  I’ll be staying here for another year, so my island-living is not yet done hmmm ano kaya ang mga mangyayari pa *think *smile.

We all have good and bad things from our past…and most of us are still chained from it… 

It is ok to keep the good things from our past intact and reminisce about it from time to time…but keeping the bad things is not allowed by God, for it hinders us to live fully in the present and most importantly it hinders Him to work in our lives and fulfill His perfect plan for us.

And to live the life that God had given us, we need to move on… 

And to move on… we have to let go… 

Letting go of our past is not that easy, but it is the only way to accomplish our calling and destiny for the Lord…letting go of our past is not an overnight process…there are times that God will show us our past for us to learn from it…for us to know the circumstances where we didn’t include Him in our decision making…for us to see that He is with us during those times that we felt we we’re alone…for us to know that He continually works for His glory and for our own good…walking with Him during this time will help us  to know His truth –and that truth will set us free. He will fully heal us from all the pains and heartaches if we allow Him and believe that He can do it. 

It’s hard but the only way to move on is to let our past and all the pains from our past completely go. 

Just let go and let God.

 …but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.  I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:12